Blogs
Make the Choice to Grow Older
This old tortoise is well over 100 years old. I’m not quite that but am fully aware of the body growing older when I look at the wrinkles and feel the tightness in the joints. An old Hassidic mystic, Rabbi Nachman, once said “It’s forbidden to BE old – grow older but don’t BE old”. In other words, accept reality and at the same time keep living to your full potential, keep bringing forth new shoots.
We cannot know the fulness of joy without experiencing sadness. We cannot know freedom without also knowing fear and limitations. And we cannot celebrate and connect with others unless we also step out of our own self-pity and ego centred thoughts.
Being over 50 bring the gift of years, the gift of experience, the gift of discovering our inner life as well as what is going on in the outer life. The morning of life has been full of adapting, fitting in, learning to live the outer life and social media, radio, TV certainly aids and abets this and prevents us from stillness.
Have you noticed how many people seem to live with their mobile phone in their hand or with earphones plugged in as they walk past you in the city. It’s almost as if they want to shut out any form of connection with others or want to escape from having to feel anything or simply BE still with themselves.
Advertisements constantly talk about Wellbeing – but they often forget the central component BEING.
AND they concentrate on be younger – stay younger etc. Don’t grow old – rather than grow older but don’t be old.
We say we are human beings- again BEING – taking time to BE present to ourselves…, BE in the world … BE with others – simply BE.
It’s difficult to BE when we are constantly DOING.
NOW – over 50 – it’s time to take responsibility for our life – to examine where we are and where we want to be.
James Hollis, psychologist, and author wrote, “No greater difficulty may be found than living this journey as mindfully, as accountably, as we can, but no greater task brings more dignity and purpose to our lives”.
This is a CHOICE we have – don’t let someone else make the choice for who you will be or who you will become in this second half of life. This is YOUR CHOICE.
CHOOSE to grow older – but don’t be old. Let us finally grow up!
The Entrance to Your Hidden Self
When I reached mid-life I was not quite prepared for that change from the morning of life to the afternoon of life! And quite often that’s the way for many of us and we find the shift either thrust upon us or we are pulled up short.
I was pulled up short with glandular fever and chronic fatigue! And the long debility made me re-examine what I had been doing, what I wanted to do and how I wanted to be for this next phase of life.
And I’ll share with you today some secrets that changed my life – a series of beautiful talks which I found titled Mid-Life and the Great Unknown by David Whyte, poet and author and truly inspirational leader.
Because as Carl Jung said,
“We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning; for what in the morning was true will at evening have become a lie”.
In the morning of life we have worked so hard to build our place in society, in a job or in a complex play of multiple roles, balancing work, family responsibilities and physical and psychological changes.
What do we need to step into the afternoon of life and redefine who we really are and what is our purpose now? David Whyte says it take COURAGE –
‘the ability to cultivate a relationship with the unknown; to create a form of friendship with what lies around the corner over every horizon – with those things that have not yet fully come into being”
And I found it beautiful how he said that to do this we have to get tired of ourself – that is tired of being the person who is always responding to what others expect or what those around us think we should be. We need to have a new conversation with reality because we have forgotten the essential nature of ourselves, have become overwhelmed or steamrolled by others.
The whole world is waiting for YOU to take your place – to take that step into the unknown and to stand on the ground of your own being
This is the first step – and over 20 years later I am so glad I took that step – and I continue to get inspiration and courage from his talks and poems and books.
I was fortunate to meet him just a few weeks ago when he came to Australia and found new courage to continue those steps into the late afternoon and evening of life.
Here is one of his beautiful poems that expresses what you will find:
“In this high place
it is as simple as this,
leave everything you know behind.
Step toward the cold surface,
say the old prayer of rough love
and open both arms.
Those who come with empty hands
will stare into the lake astonished,
there, in the cold light
reflecting pure snow
the true shape of your own face.”
— David Whyte
In the 16th century a poet called Dante wrote about his own journey into the unknown. He began by saying
In the middle of my life I found myself in a dark forest for I had wondered off from the straight path…How I got there I do not know – I had become so sleepy when I first strayed, leaving the path of truth.
He recognised that he had lost himself – who he really was and his purpose in life. He felt fear as he realised how lost he was. He forced himself to look up and away from self-pity and saw a sunlit mountain. Could he re-find himself. He takes a step forward and is stopped by three beasts – a leopard, a lion and a wolf. Each one making him admit he cannot do it alone just by his ego. And when he acknowledged his powerlessness a guide appeared.
I invite you to step into this journey through mid-life and into the great unknown, where with a trusted guide you can ‘feel the fear’ and come to stand confidently in the ground of your own being.
If you want a guide for this journey, well just come to my page:
and you can send me a friend request if you’d like more help. You will never know your gifts and your true worth till you go exploring. As Brene Brown says, “Midlife is the time when the Universe grabs your shoulders and tells you, “I’m not f…ing around, USE the GIFTS you were given”
Be WHOLE in Yourself – the Four Elements Needed
Do you remember the first fairy tales you heard? Always beginning with Once upon a time……
Well, once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who lived only with her father. He was so fearful of losing her he built a tower for her and locked her in it. And she agreed!!!
Does it remind you of anyone???
So, you can imagine her lack of development as a woman being locked up – knowing herself only through her father’s eyes. She has not learnt to think her own thoughts.
Fairy tales are written in symbolic language so we need to look at the symbols.
The tower was circular – a symbol of wholeness. And because she is by herself she has to confront her own nature – learn about her sensation, intuition, thinking and feeling – represented by the four elements of earth, air, fire and water.
She is encased in an EARTH tower – down below dark and damp, up higher a couple of windows. All women need some earth qualities especially the ability to SENSE what IS, just as a tree needs earth to keep it in the ground.
But too much earth??
She is earthbound – plodding, heavy – yet this girl needed to connect to her earth mother and learn how to nourish her own body.
AIR was at the top of the tower and through her little windows she could see horizons. The Arabic word for ait is breath of the spirit.
Are you a woman whose thoughts and ideas flow freely – open to new ideas, discriminating for yourself? Are you receptive to new ideas – able to wait for the right moment?
Too much air and you can be puffed up, inflated. Our woman in the tower opens herself to the air element and has a third window cut in her tower to open her horizons more.
Her enraged father races to the tower and throws her out the window. “How dare you” You can’t do it”. Voices we all know.
The story tells us she is caught and taken down without harm – similar to the story of the god Amor who rescues Psyche and takes her to earth gently.
She is now well and truly in touch with her FEELING – her WATERY side – as she gets in touch with her anger and rage and betrayal and the tears become tears of transformation leading to healing and more growth as she uses all her inner resources to flow with what is happening to her.
Now she needs FIRE – to be aware of the flame burning within her, claim her own individuality.
And again, the angry collective masculine tries to stop her as her father finds her, judges her and has her head chopped off.
Look at the wonderful symbolism there – she is freed from the voices of others dominating her thoughts, dictating who she must be – she is now one in herself, united with her own inner masculine energy.
Once upon a time…… ahhhhh!!
There is so much more to this beautiful fairy tale that enables us as women to understand our own journey to wholeness, especially as we move into the afternoon life.
If you want to learn more head over to my website and watch for the upcoming webinars on fairy tales that symbolise the journey each of us as women that we need to take in order to be liberated within and grow in wisdom and age.